A Title of Responsibility
by Sumeba Miyako
Summary: Death and a rainy night make Tsunade think about the life of a Hokage.


A/N: There really is no rhyme or reason for this one shot. I was thinking about how it must feel to go from someone in midst of the action to someone who could only watch.

Anyways ... It's my first time actually posting anything, so any reviews/comments/help would be great!

Enjoy!

A Title of Responsibility

_This is nothing more comforting than sitting and watching the rain fall_, Tsunade thought as she gazed at the lush, wet landscape of Konoha. The soft patter of incessant raindrops lulled the Hokage's tumultuous emotions, emotions that in recent years had nearly always hid behind a mask of authority or a flask of sake. But now, for these few moments, she was alone. No paperwork, no questions, no sake. Not even Shizune was present as the Fifth sat and stared at the rain like a fool.

But as silly as she thought her sentimental ponderings to be, Tsunade could not deny that the rain falling from the dark clouds suited her mood perfectly. Normally she could be heard expounding on the nuisance of Konoha's humid climate and the toll the humid weather took on her sleek hair. Today, however, was different. Tsunade sat on the saturated ground, mud pooling around her and water matting her hair. Her clothing was cold and clung to her. She sat staring at nothing, only seeing the elaborate patterns of raindrops as they collected into puddles. She did not cry. No, it was not her place to cry. She was the Hokage. She was the pillar of strength that everyone looked up to for support. So she could not cry, she could not let weakness creep into the foundation of the Hidden Leaf Village. That was why the rain as so comforting. The sky could shed her tears for her, even if she could not complete this task herself.

_Oh Dan!_ Her mind cried as her alabaster face remained motionless against the barrage of old memories, pain, and the hard smattering of rain. _Why did it fall upon me, this responsibility, this so-called honor, this terrible, bone-crushing pain? I never wanted it!_

Laughing bitterly to herself, the Hokage felt the panicked pain grip her insides. Every decision she made could result in the death of her fellow ninjas. She knew that they'd already accepted the risk – Hell, when she'd gone on missions, she'd know that death might stretch out a hand to claim her. Hadn't the deaths of those she'd loved proven this to her countless times? But it never got any easier. Nothing made the death of a ninja easier.

Her thoughts raced back to earlier in the evening when Shizune had tumbled into her office and gasped out that Tsunade's medical abilities were required. In her mind's eye she still saw the dark, quiet anger in Shino's eyes as he sat outside Kiba's room, waiting for to learn the extent of his teammate's injuries. She saw the look of despair in Kiba's eyes as he gripped Akamaru's fur. The dog lay bloodied and still at his companion's feet. He had only managed to last long enough to ensure Kiba's safety. And she remembered Kurenai's emotionless report as she outlined how a typical B-class mission had resulted in an ambush and disaster. Worse was the maelstrom of emotions in Kurenai's eyes as she reported the death of the fourth member of Team 8, Hyuuga Hinata, as the girl had been fatally struck while defending the unconscious Kiba with Akamaru.

The _life of a ninja is hard_, Tsunade though, _but the life of a Hokage is even harder._ The death of the shy, little Hinata pained her, as did the raw memory of Kiba hoarsely pleading with Akamaru to open his eyes, just once more. After her time in the hospital, Tsunade knew that she could not return to her office. She could not face the task of assigning yet another team to a mission. All she could see was the blood that had covered the clothing and faces of Team 8, their shocked expressions, and the sullen resentment that fate had seen to snatch away two special lives.

It was nights such as this one that Tsunade felt the rending pressures of the Hokage title. She hated these nights. But she knew that in the morning, when the sun burst through the dark night sky, she would return to her office and once again make decisions. These decisions that could end the precious lives of her fellow warriors, but they also protected the village. It was her duty to bear this responsibility.

But not right now. Tonight was the time to sit on the ground in the mud and let the rain wash over her. And the rain continued to fall, streaking down her face. And who was to know if a few burning, salty tears joined the rivers already flowing down her face?


End file.
